Doctor Visitation

There's a first in every man's live. The first time you smoke a cigar, the first time you drink, the first time you go to Vegas. Well, this is my first time going to the hospital due to alcohol. It was quite the experience.

This was Saturday night, we had just gotten back from our work weekend trip. And everyone from work gathered together for a party. It was all set to be an awesome night.

At around 10PM, as usual, I like to pregame a bit before heading up, but since I was meeting my buddies somewhere else, I decided to just take 3 quick shots of tequila. And tequila to me will pretty much fuck me up. No complain there. Then I headed out to meet my buddies, and we all headed to the party. Got in, and started drinking. The party was just like any other party, nothing too special, but I do know most people there, and that's what made it more fun. Just a few chit chat here and there. Out of nowhere, I heard wind of a keg downstairs, and of course, I did what my impulse wanted me to without thinking, and went downstairts. Of course it is very obvious to everyone, when you have a free keg, you do keg stands, regardless of the consequences, you never let up a chance to do that. At least that's how I think. Again, I don't worry about the consequences. Then, the rest of the night was pretty much blank.

I remember a few things.

• I yelled at a coworker for being mean to the friends I brought, she was mad because my friends don't work with everyone and apparently the party was exclusive.
• I kept chugging the jungle juice, taking shots, and apparently did another keg stand.
• I was going to play beer pong with my boss, but while waiting I said I'll be right back, going to get some stuff, and never came back.
• Cops came sometime during the night, and was asking about a car parked in front of the house, and we all had to hide downstairs. It was like a fucking prison camp. We were told to shut up and be quite.

After the cops left, at least from what my buddies told me, I went upstairs and kept on drinking. Then I died on the couch. I was literally lying motionless for like half an hour, if you didn't know me, you would think that I actually died. My buddy dragged me out of the house, and the moment I stepped out, I started puking everywhere and everything. But as a gentleman, I only puked in the neighbor's yard, and kept my friend's clean. How nice of me!

To understand this next part, I will have to back up a bit. My school ofter a door to door service late at night specifically for drunk idiots like me, and each driver is equipped with a bottle of freezing water to wake up kids who are passed out drunk. And I have experience this several times. Now back to the story.

My buddy called them and asked them to pick us up. And I passed out cold in the front porch, so the bus driver got me wet top to bottom. I woke up, without realizing what happened and got on the bus. However, I was so incoherent that I wouldn't say my own address, at least not the right now, so the bus driver, being the considerate, concerned person that he was, decided to drop us off at the emergency room.

Standing at the front door was a few uniformed police officers. Luckily I was way too drunk to say anything, otherwise I probably would have gotten a beating. But they were nice enough to provide a wheelchair for me. The next morning, I woke up at 6AM, with needles and tubes coming out of me, I was in a state of shock, and looked around, and said fuck, I must have gotten a citation and I'll be fucked and fired. What a good way to start a job. The nurse came in and asked me for some info, and told me I'll have to stay in the hopsital if I don't have anyone to get me home. So I called the most responsible person I knew, and woke her up from her beauty sleep to come and get me. At the same time, her mom was also in the same room. I have no idea how I make such good impressions on parents. I got to her place, put on one of her t-shirts, and passed out on her couch.

Epilogue: As many of you know, ER is very expensive, even if they only stick a needle in you and do nothing else. The total cost was $1254, I was scared shitless, cause I don't have that type of money, but luckily, insurance coverd $1204. It was only 50 bucks for me, who said our health insurances is fucked up. I say it's working out decently. But I guess spending $50 dollars for a good story might be worth it.

The Twin Barbecue

This was officially the first BroBQ ever. We started a bbq at 7PM. All Face had were hot dogs and beer. I didn't feel like drinking that early during the night, so I just bought an ice tea. Face honestly had no idea how much food he got. He put on 8 hot dogs on the first batch, and stuffed all of it in my and Foxy's hands, then immediately put 8 more on the grill. If hot dogs could be used for torture, this was how it's done. Eventually, we all just gave up, and absolutely stopped eating. Instead, we tried to pawn off the left over hot dogs to strangers walking by. It was no surprise that no one took it. We were creepy as fuck. However, there was light at the end of the tunnel; a repairman stopped in front of us, and he took one of our offerings, saying that he would give it to his partner, which I took as the trashcan. During our last stand to give away hot dogs, Face started yelling that the hot dogs had roofies in them. To our surprise, still no one took it. Guess the reverse psychology didn't work. We eventually had to throw away the left overs.

Next up, we went up to Face's apartment to pregame. After a few beers and filling up my flask, we were all set to go hit Pegasus at 11PM. This was my first time going to the new Pegasus, so I really had no idea what to expect, maybe it is all gay now, I really didn't know. Like always, I was more then willing to try out something new.

Since the dawn of time, men have relied on their instincts to find their way. And as always, that always came back to fuck them in the ass. We were lost in the middle of nofuckingwhere, just because Face refused GPS guidance from the iPhone and reassured us over and over again that he knew where we were going. When he finally gave in to the power of the machine, we apparently was on top of our destination. Eventually, we finally got to Pegasus. And I kid you not, it was the shadiest place I have ever seen. Mostly because of the under the bridge thing, but the building was a dark three story building, and you could see lights coming out of the 2nd floor. Honestly, I didn't really want to go in, but as usual, I let the moral-less, not thinking part of me make my decisions after dark, and it said "Let's rock this place."

So, we walked toward the front door. Then moment we walked in, I realized that there was a staircase on my right, and I could just sneak in and avoid possible cover charges. And it worked to perfection. Not only did I not pay to get, I also didn't get my hand marked, which means Drinks all night long.

It usually takes me about 20 minutes to get in the mood, so I spend the first 20 filling up on beers. It was of course a great idea. So let's skip ahead, I doubt anyone want to read about how I drank a few beers, that shit even bores me.

At around 12AM, apparently I was whoring around with some blond girl that I didn't even remember. This has become pretty common for me, and I have developed a reflex that wouldn't make the girl feel awkward when I don't remember her. It's what I call the "you system." It's quite basic and effectively, simply replace any use of her name or any way of addressing her with the word "you," but remember that she is indeed a human being, and use the you as you would a girlfriend, or someone you give a fuck about. Simply put, this girl will remain nameless for the time being.

Next up, Face was chatting with a hippie blond, and without going into details (mainly because I couldn't hear what the fuck he was saying), she agreed to dance with him. I looked at her friend, with somewhat of the seductive look. She responded by looking me up and down, which I assume she was checking out the product before making a purchase. Then, she nodded, and I signaled her to stuff her giant ass in my crotch. Oh, I didn't mention? She's more the chubby side; not that I'm a chubby chaser, I prefer my girls lean and mean, but no anorectic ones. I was just feeling lazy and she was there. Judging by her 3 point average, her self-esteem can't be high. This was evident by the fact that after a few minutes of grinding her into the pole, she grabbed both of my hands and tightly pushed them into her, shall we say, 34D boobs. I have never met anyone with any sort of self-respect that would do that, but believe me I wasn't complaining. Boobs are one of God's or Evolution's best creations, immediately followed by fried chicken and spandex.

My only problem with this girl is, besides that the fact she wasn't cute at all, but the beer did work toward her favor, that I had so much problem kissing her. It had nothing to do with me; she was so fucking short that I literally had to be on my knees to see her eyes. And I wasn't about to bend down for a woman I ain't marrying. So I skipped out on first and got straight to second base; it's like John Meyer trying to play baseball. At this point, I probably would have taken her out of the club and straight into my friend's backseat.

However, as always, there's always an obstacle. This time, it wasn't puking, ex-boyfriend, or friend who can't fucking drink. It was that blond from earlier, let's call her Brittany. She came out of nowhere and started grinding behind me. No complain there. This time, I played proper baseball and touch both bases, with ChubbyGirl still in front of me. It was tough: I either ignore the blond and take the sure thing with Chubby, or I upgrade girl parts in every possible way. Knowing how shallow I am, the choice was obvious. But the ultimate goal was of course to take them both. This did not work. I turned around to face Brittany, while using my right hand to grab Chubby. I couldn't see the look she gave me, but it must have been nasty and I probably would have laughed. But I was busy.

Then twenty minutes later, she told me she had to pee.

Me "You aren't going to invite me?"
Brittany "There's only one toilet."
(If you have seen the Tucker Max movie, you would know this scene. For those who hasn't had the pleasure, let me set it up for you. Tucker was going to the bathroom, but started hitting on a married woman, whom he almost had sex with. He went into the bathroom with her, and the conversation is almost identical to the one I was having here.)
Me "There's a sink."
She looked at me with a grin, and grabbed my hand to lead the way. The moment I got to the bathroom, I realized that there was actually two toilets, but one is broken, and will probably flood if I use it. So I used it, but didn't flush, cause even at my drunken state, I wanted no part of my piss to be anywhere near me. She walked out of the stall rather quickly, and of course I congratulated her. She wanted to head back to the dance floor, but I stopped her, and forcefully pushed her back into the stall, and locked it. I probably bullshitted some random shit about her, and next thing I know, we were undressing each other in the bathroom stall.
I tried to take her tank top off. but she said "Oh don't do that."
"Why the fuck not?"
"I don't want you to see my tan lines, you can play with them if you want."
"This is fucking weird."
But I carried on anyways. Things started to escalate, and just as she put her hands down my pants, I looked to my left and realized a gay guy was watching us. I told him to get the fuck out, but he didn't move. Then I thought, he's gay, and probably don't like straight shit. So I looked directly into his eyes, and said "It's about to get nasty in here" and kissed Brittany. He then left, and I like to think I was the reason why. We continued about our business, and two minutes later, that same bastard came back. And he said "There's a girl out here who need to toilet."
Me "Tell her to use that fucking toilet, or the men's room. Everyone's fucking gay here it doesn't matter." Pointing to the flooding one. I wasn't about give up my territory. But Brittany said "Let's just get out of here."
And I realized the moment was gone, and said fuck it and went back to the dance floor.

When the club closed at 2AM, I walked over to the club manager.
Me "You should really have higher walls in the girl's bathroom stall, I need my privacy."
Manager "You shouldn't be having sex in there."
Me "If you had higher walls, then I wouldn't have had sex in there cause no one can fucking see."
Manager "..."
This was a fucking great night. I told my partners in crime about my night, and they told me theirs. But it wasn't exciting at all.

We made it back to Face's apartment at 3AM, and decided we are all hungry, so we fired up the grill, opened a few cans of beer, and had another barbecue. It was pretty fucking delicious.

So what to take from this: while stall sex can be great, it's probably a safer bet if there are multiple stalls or just take her to the backseat of your car, away from possible cock-blockers.

46 Hours of Amsterdam

Personally, I have wanted to go to Amsterdam for a really long time, and I was unable to find anyone willing to go. So I had to wait until the end of the program when some people agreed to come only if we don't book a hostel, seeing as it was 50 euro per night. At the end of my summer program, we were all packed to go back to America and one last trip in Europe.

Four of us went Friday morning while another is meeting us later that night. Knowing that lodging wasn't available to us, we all decided to sleep on the 3 hour train ride to Amsterdam. Great idea right? Right? NoOoOo, there were some German jackasses yelling the entire fucking time. They never even took a breather from yelling. I didn't want to start anything on the train, since I am a foreigner and don't speak the language, I just sucked it up. But serious, what a bitch.

The moment we got off the train, we witnessed why Amsterdam is one of the greatest cities on earth, through a mini-tour guide we bought from the gift shop at the train station. Did you really think we saw the whole city right after the train ride? Idiot. Like most tourist, the first site we visited was the fries shop, and it was delicious. Then we visited Amsterdam's world class coffee shop, and we bought the best coffee in the world. I swore I had a caffeine rush, but afterward, my limbs were controlling me. My arms were rising involuntarily, and my torso would twist one direction until someone stopped me. 

As tourist, we had to tour the city, but after an hour of walking around, we were all exhausted. Therefore, as clear thinking college students, the four of us crammed into a circular bench and took a nap there. Of course we were good enough to not bring anything valuable. I can't remember how long we slept, but that nap rejuvenated everyone. We were all excited and wanted to do things.

And of course, we visited the Red Light District. It was cleaner that I expected. And I felt sad for all those women. They just stand in a tiny room with a glass window in a bikini, trying to look sexy so guys would buy them. To my surprise, they were all very attractive. Although there was no guarantee that they were women their entire lives. From what I heard, they get gradually hotter as you walk toward the center. However, the hottest ones are on the outside, they are also half man.

I was still on my caffeine rush and I bought a cheeseburger off the street. Then we tried a special type of Amsterdam nut, I forgot what it was called, but it had the horrible after taste. The taste is so bad that this happened after I ate some of it: I walked toward the bathroom and just couldn't hold it in anymore, so I ran to the closest trash can and throw up in it. 2 more steps later, I realized more is coming and I ran to another trash can and threw up in it. I finally made it to the bathroom gate where we pay, but more came up, and I rushed in without paying. The guard stopped him and asked me to pay, I just pointed at my mouth then the toilet and I assumed he understood what I meant. If you are counting, this is the 3rd time. I'm sure the cheeseburger I bought before had something to do with me upset stomach.

Then came the bad news, one of us apparently had to wait for her friend at a tower in Amsterdam, so for the next 10 hours, we walked around that tower and did nothing else. So let's fast forward to 3AM.

No one is really to go to bed yet, and we heard about a club called Paradigo, and it was on the tourist map. So we all agreed to check it out. We got to the door and realized that the cover charge is 16 euros, since no one is willing to pay if the club is bad, we decided to send me in to check it out. And I wasn't lying when I say this club is one of the best I have ever been too. It have several small dance floors, and a huge one with lasers shooting out everywhere, a DJ in the center, and a second floor where you can look down at the hundreds of people dancing at the bottom.

I am a little pissed about the sign on the club. I saw the sign say "24 Hours". So I assumed it opens, well, 24 hours. Then, at around 4:30, I heard announcements about last call for beer; of course, as a semi-alcoholic, my first reaction was to buy beer as I possibly can. I remember complaining that the club is closing and how it doesn't open 24 hours. We got outside and I took a closer look at the sign, it said "24 Hour to 5 Hour". Damn Europeans, you got us again.

Now we are actually tired, and someone suggested a place we can sleep in. It turned out to be an area between two buildings that had a roof. Perfect, because it was raining that night. I got comfortable and went to sleep.
...
Suddenly, someone woke me up and told me we had to leave. I didn't ask at the moment, and I just went with them. Apparently, an off duty cop came over and told us we need to leave or his partner will come and fine us 100 euros. I don't know if we are lucky or not, but as long as we are not fined, we are good to go. So we headed to the one place we know we can take a nap: the train station. Too bad the weather wasn't on our side, and it was freezing that morning, we all just got 2 hours of sleep.

On Saturday, we all decided to just stay sober the entire day so we can enjoy Amsterdam. So this day, we went and saw the IAmsterdam sign twice in two different locations, went into some shops, sneaked into a science museum, and overall had a relaxing day.

We went our separate ways at 8PM, thus ending our 46 crazy hours in Amsterdam.

The Art of Love, LoveParade

I'm sure most of you know about the LoveParade. No? Well, let's me tell you about it. Sadly, the parade isn't what the name implies, it is not a massive orgy of hundreds of thousands of people. Although if it was, I probably would be the only one going, and my camera would probably be filled with videos that would be a disgrace to me, the people around me, and the entire human race.

But all of that isn't true. The LoveParade is a parade of techno music in Duisburg, Germany this year, parading about love or something like that. And no, it's not weird that my made up shit was more descriptive of the actual information. It is usually help in Berlin, but for some reason, the organizers decided it was time to downgrade. Fortunately, Duisburg was only a short 1 hour train ride away from me, so i was able to go.

There were about 15 of us who wanted to go. And among the 15, most wanted to go to Bonn first, and I was one of those people. Sadly, as always I snoozed my alarm, and never woke up on time. I got a phone call about 15 minutes before the train left asking where I was. By then everyone was already at the train stain and didn't want to wait for me. Fuck them. So, I just called the others who wanted to go straight to Duisburg, so at least I won't miss the parade. This turned out to be a great decision. You will find out later, I want to keep the suspense.How else by M Night Shyamalan sell movies.

As always, I went into the train station completely unprepared, I didn't even bother buying a train ticket beforehand. I went to check the price and it was a staggering 60 euros for a one way ticket. Fuck that, this parade wasn't that good. Fortunately, I happened to ran into some other Americans who are also going to Duisburg, so I just went with them with a group ticket. They were in the same city but doing a different research program. I saved like 40 euros, and met some cool people. The little Indian dude I sat next to was fucking nuts. Even though I have no recollection of his stories, I remember them as being crazy. Well, maybe not top of the line crazy, my first impression of the kid was a little nerdy engineer. He surprised me a little I guess. While on the train, some random Germans were yelling "Free Beer, free beer." They had a mini keg and bunch of plastic cups. It felt just like home. Even if it was 11AM, I went and got one. Set your timer now.

We got to Duisburg at around 12:30ish, and ate something (I bought the Doner Kebab, it is still to this day one of the most amazing food ever created. It has a round bun split in half, and stuffed with Turkish meat, lettuce, tomato, and mayo. It creates the perfect combination of deliciousness and filling. I am always stuffed when I finish, and yet it is only a fraction of the cost compared to other foods. Unfortunately, since I have been back in America, I have not had the opportunity to taste it again. Nobody here makes it right. I do hope the cab driver who I inspired to come to America and open a Doner restaurant took my advice). We then started to walk toward the parade. It was decently crowded, but not too bad. While slowly walking toward the gates, we passed a retirement home, and everyone was waving and yelling at the old lady standing in front of the window.

We got in right before the parade started, and everyone just settled down in an area while we waited. The first parade bus started to move, and we all stood up to watch. It was quite a scene. Naturally, we kept drinking while waiting for each bus to pass. The beer was surprisingly cheap for a parade, only 3 euros. God, I must have spent 50 euros just on beer.

Then, out of nowhere, I got a text from a friend who went to Bonn asking if I was ok because he heard several people died at the parade. Obvious I am, because otherwise I wouldn't be able to write this. I was really confused at the moment. Later, I found out much more people came to the parade than expected, but the organizers only made one entrance, so 1.4 million people were squeezing through a tiny tunnel trying to get to the parade, and those who fell never had the chance to get up. The only reason the parade wasn't canceled was because the organizers didn't panic from the inside too. It was scary. The people who went to Bonn were locked out from the parade, so that was why I was lucky.

But back to the parade, there were about 10 techno buses, each playing a slightly different style of music. Now, to be clear, I am no techno fan, but when you are that drunk, you are a fan of anything. Only about a hour into the parade, I was separated from Ma'am (nickname for the two people from my program who came with me), and for some reason it was impossible for us to regroup. I kept telling them I was at bus number 7, they would tell me that they were at 7 too. This whole thing was just complicated and very very confusing. After a while, we just gave up.

After seeing all the parade buses, (sadly, there was only one topless girl, and even those are fake) I went to the stage area with the other Americans I came up. The stage had a new DJ every half an hour. The lighting was  insanely awesome, check out the view below.

We stayed there til the crack of dawn. I'm fairly sure that the entire place was on lockdown, so we had to stay anyways. During that time, I made friends with a bunch of random Germans. A couple of them just came up to me and wanted a picture, I said why not and took a few. I also got a picture with a dude in a lion suit, and a pirate. There was a random German who kept talking to me about his sister, and how he had so many beautiful women that he didn't know what to do with them. He wanted to set me up with his sister, which I agreed. Unfortunately, due to our insane drunkness, we lost track of everyone. I had to go find my friends, because there was no way I could find my way home on my way. This was about 11PM or so, and this is when I stopped drinking. Now stop your timer, what's my time?

On our walk back to the gates, I saw an ambulance driving in front of us, and someone dared me to jump on, and I chased after it and got on the back. While I was showing off to those who dared me and posing for a picture, I lost my balance and immediately grabbed the door handle. The back door swung open and the ambulance stopped dead on its tracked. I was pretty scared at that moment, so I quickly shut the door and ran back to my group and pretended nothing had happened. The ambulance drove on, and my heart stopped racing.

When we got to the train station, the entire place was packed top to bottom. The train station of a small city wasn't made to accompany 1.4 million people. The train ride way back was especially painful for me. There was no longer a direct connection from Duisburg to Aachen, so we had to ride to Dusseldorf first, then wait for another train to take us back to Aachen. On the train to Dusseldorf, I was standing in the middle of the train when a fight broke out between two Germans. I was nearly caught in the middle. One guy had blood running down his face. It wasn't a pretty picture.The next part of the story was kind of a miracle, the moment I got off the train, I saw Ma'am standing at the train station waiting for the train back to Aachen. Of all the people who I could have found, I found the two people who I lost during the parade.

The whole trip took 4 hours while the way there was only 1. Throughout this 4 hours, I was extremely constipated, but there were no bathroom anywhere. The train bathroom were flooded with shit, it was fucking gross. I didn't talk much during the 3 hour train ride back to Aachen, I spent nearly all of my energy making sure I don't shit myself. The moment we got to Aachen, I told my friends to wait for me and just run as fast as humanly possible to the bathroom, even Usain Bolt would have been impressed. Now, here's the thing about Europeans, they charge you for the bathroom. If I didn't have money on me, I would have been so fucked.

I finally made back to my bed at 5AM, smelling like all sorts of nasty things, so I had to push back my sleep til after a shower. However, this day was a blast, and I set a personal best of 12 straight hours of drinking. I was also fortunate enough to have gone to possibly the last love parade ever. I doubt the organizers will risk killing people again.

The Hooker Story

This story almost didn't happen, because I was suppose to go Amsterdam, and I really had no intention to go to Prague. However, Amsterdam didn't come through, and I decided to go to Prague, since I got nothing else to do. This turned out to be a great decision. It took a long time to get there, but Prague is such a beautiful city. I didn't know this going in, but Prague is one of the top party cities in the world. I was so glad that I came. We did normal tourist stuff during the day, and when the sun fell, we were really to head out.

We stopped by a bar first, and I had absinthe for the first time. It was delicious, not at all strong, and a great way to start off my night. Let's keep count of how much I drank. This is a double shot of about 70% alcohol, so 4. Then I ordered a double shot of some random vodka, so 6. I also ordered a B52 shot, 7 finished half of long island ice tea, so 8. This was only the bar.

We walked to a club, paid the cover, and walked in. It was the best club I have ever been to, no joke. There are five stories: each story had its over theme, music, and lighting. It was so awesome. Nothing too exciting happened at a club, we danced, stopped some creepy dudes from hitting on our friends. At around 4AM, the club closed and we started to walk back to our hostel. While I was in the club, I had 3 long island ice tea, and 4 tequila shots, so 15.

When we were about half way back, a random girl walked up to me; she put one hand on my crotch and started rubbing and other hand on my ass. Due to the amount of alcohol I consumed, I did not realize what she was. I just put my arm around her and enjoyed the free handjob. I just continued to talk to my friends like nothing was happening.

However, my friends started pushing her away. The only thought going through my head was "What the fuck did I do to you guys? Why are you doing this to me? This is cockblocking, literally." I don't remember if I actually asked what they were doing, I just remember I was a bit ticked off. Then, one guy pretended to be my boyfriend and told the girl that I was gay and she should leave.

By now, I finally realized that she was a hooker, and I was thinking straight enough to realize that I do not want to do a hooker, because one, she is a hooker, and two, I have no money in my wallet. I wasted everything on alcohol that night, about 50 dollars. I started to play along as being gay, and another friend came up and kissed me on the cheeks, just in case she needed more proof.

I also tried to push her away; I aimed for her shoulders, but without coordination and motor skills, I missed my target, I was a little low and toward the middle. You guessed, I pushed on her boobs. And they were pretty nice.

Thus end my night and my one and only encounter with a prostitution. What can I say about this experience? Hookers are real people who are just trying to make a living. They are not always ugly hoes; this one was pretty good looking with a pretty good body. All I want to say is, unless you are extremely desperate, don't do a hooker. But if you are, remember that you might be helping to feed her 5 children.

Tour de Aachen

As a group decision, we unanimously agreed to not travel this weekend, to take a break from our 4 day trip to southern  France. Then a couple people went to Amsterdam, but I don't want to talk about that now.

So Saturday night, George, Andre, and I met up with Mark, and we had a BBQ outside. Both George and I had 5 brats, and a huge piece of chicken. My stomach wanted to explode after that. It hard to say, but there is a limit of the amount of sausages you can eat at once. (Important information for meat lovers and sluts.) Don't chock on it.

Later, we headed to Mark's friends apartment to drink, and we picked up a case of Bitburger. It was just a small gathering, nothing too crazy. Like I said before, we are having a low key weekend. After a few drinks, we started to play "Kings." Everyone who has ever played it know how drunk people become after the game ends, especially when someone brings a bottle of Ouzo. That shit is insanely delicious. When I was little, I always ate this coughing medicine that tasted exactly like Ouzo. Of course, I drank a ton of it. Ben, the guy who brought this, and I were doing shots out of a shot glass the size of Mount Rushmore. Naturally, I was out of my fucking mind. Apparently, I was bragging about my basketball skills and challenged Ben to a match. I had no idea what we bet. (I later found out we bet a beer, and he whooped my ass so bad, that even Jackie Chan would be impressed.)

According to George and Andre, I passed out on the couch at around 2AM. Most people left soon after that. But George and Andre decided to stay, for some reason until 5AM. I mean they stayed up the entire time while I was unconscious; to this day, I still have no idea what happened those three hours. I woke up all of the sudden and saw light outside. I thought to myself "I hope I'm still at the apartment." I opened my eyes and saw George and I felt relived, but in some pain. I ignored that and we started walking home. (I later found out George and Andre slapped me over and over again to wake me up. Thanks guys.)

I jumped on George's back and his initial reaction was of course to hurt me, so he throw me into the wall. Fortunately, alcohol deadened the pain and I barely felt it. But still, cheap shot. What are friends for? To carry you when you are wasted at 5:30 in the morning. 

We were 50 feet from the bus stop, and I saw a bus and naturally assumed I can take it to go home, so I sprinted toward the bus, and I caught it. I pounded on the door for the driver to open it, but he didn't and just drove away. George told me the bus was stopped a red light, so he wouldn't open the door. I said fuck and sat down at the bus stop.

Sometime later, I think it's about 6AM, George woke me up again and told me to get on the bus. Andre told me where to get off, and they both left to go home, which with my luck, both of them lives in the opposite direction. I told them I will be fine and went to sit down.

The bus I took was 3A at the Hauptbahnhof (Main Train Station in Aachen) My destination was the Uniklinik (Aachen Hospital), which is 15 minutes away. I got on the bus expect to be home soon so I can rest easily on my bed.
 
...

The next thing I remember was waking up right at the Uniklinik. I thought "Awesome, I sure know when to wake up." I stood up to get off the bus, and I felt enormous pain from my behind. I realized that my butt cheeks are so sore that I wanted to get ass-cheeks-replacement-surgery. But I then realized they are a really nice pair, and so I decided to walk it off. I had to do the penguin walk to minimize my ass movement.

I wondered to myself, why does my ass hurt so much after a 15 minute ride? Then I checked my phone, and HOLY SHIT, it was 9AM. I was on the fucking bus for 3 FUCKING hours. I rode that bus 3 times around the city. This is easily the longest bus ride of my life.

Take this to be a lesson to everyone out there: DO NOT SIT DOWN ON A BUS IN A COMFORTABLE POSITION AT THE PEAK OF YOUR DRUNKENNESS.

F my life. The F stands for Fucking Awesome.

The Wakeup

Sophomore year is over, and this is the last day I'll live in my dorm room. To my distaste, all of my friends have already gone home, and I was left alone in the building. Fortunately, Foxy's always around to keep me company. This same night, we decided to head to Heat once again, to party together one last time before summer begins.

As well, we pregamed (I mean, who doesn't before going to a club). The place was damn near packed when we got there. I thought to myself tonight would totally worth $5. However, as life always goes, everything goes around and fuck you from behind. Upstairs, the fun part of the club, was almost empty. Everyone's outside chilling on the balcony for some reason.

30 minutes into the action, I decided to find out what tonight is, because Heat usually have a theme for most night. I was excited to find out that tonight was "sexy night." Sounds rocking right? Too bad all the ugly people went. Then comes the beauty of alcohol. It makes boring people interest, forecast ugly people as attractive, and eliminates any standard I have. Screw Einstein, give the dude that invented alcohol a Noble Price.

Given into tonight's Sexy Night theme, I absolutely had to take off my shirt; who can be sexy with a shirt on right? Too bad Foxy didn't share the same belief; I even asked several somewhat attractive girls' opinions (keep in mind I'm already pretty much drunk), and they all said shirt off is better. He didn't budge.

As the night went on, I had several interesting conversations, I had given up on finding a girl with no self esteem, mainly because everyone there was gay. I can only remember 2 of those conversations, they go something like this.

I was talking to this black dude sitting a chair about rap. He mentioned something about Dr. Dre and I just went all black on him.

"Yo dude, Dr. Dre's the bomb, yo. Straight Outta Compton shit is fucking awesome."

Actually, that's all I remember talking to him about. Then I somehow convinced him to give me his neck chain that has a lighting rod on it, you know, one of those nightclub necklaces.

Then, I started talking to a lesbian, and of course, when you talk to a lesbian, you ask questions about being a lesbian, because all guys love lesbians, and those who don't are either gay or asexual.

"So, you were straight before turning into a lesbian?"
"Yeah, pretty much."
"Is it different? How do guys compare to girls?"
"Girls are better, girls know how to take care of girls."
"Of course, I heard guys give the best hand jobs. I don't know it personally, just heard about it."

She giggled, and the rest was blurry.

I went back to the dance floor and literally started dancing with the only girl that is there. 30 seconds into it, I found out she has a boyfriend. I said fuck it, and continued. Too bad another 30 seconds later, she kissed me and ran away. My eye followed her to a fairly large man. I decided to evacuate immediately.

Here is the reason why this story is named the wakeup. We got out of the club, and obvious I was really drunk. Foxy was sober because he has to drive. We spent 20 minutes looking for his car, but it wasn't there. Then we found a sign that says "All streets need to be cleared by 2AM due the marathon tomorrow." We checked our phones and it was 3AM. He obvious wasn't happy, because otherwise we would have gone to the after party that we were invited to.

He decided to call safe rider to get us home. But the wait was 45 minutes. We just sat in the grass and waited. I told him just call me when safe rider gets here, I'll just lie on the grass for a little bit. The next small piece of memory was me getting off the bus and unable to open the door. The security guard has to help me. Then was waking up almost completely wet from head to toe. I had no fucking clue what happened.

The next day, Foxy filled me in. I passed out while lying on the grass, obviously. When the bus finally got to us, Foxy tried to wake me up, but nothing worked. Without other ideas, the bus driver walked out of the bus, while holding a gallon of water. He dumped it all on me and I finally woke up. But I thought I was only out for a minute and didn't realize I was wet. The bus driver dropped me off and I went home. Foxy had to bribe the driver with some cash because he lived farther away. So pouring water on someone passed out actually works, who would known?

The Gay Party

One of the last weekends left in my sophomore year, so I had to make the most of it. Too bad fate is never on my side, and there were virtually no parties going on this entire month. It was terrible; what else am I suppose to do on a weekend night? Then, at around 10PM, I was sitting in the lounge chatting with Foxy, and all of the sudden we saw our RA walking through with flashy makeups and a mohawk. She said there is a party on Dawson street and we were welcome to come. Having no other choices, we decided to go.

Once we got there, I realized that it was a toga party, for the gays and lesbians. I have no problem with it; tonight was a fun night. There was a little man there carrying a tray of jello-shots, which was apparently all they had for drinks. Having no choice, I started chugging away. After negotiating the price, I managed to get 3 for a dollar; but for some reason, he gave me 5, and then I handed him my dollar, then he gave me 3 more. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't complaining at all; it was awesome. So naturally, I got drunk quickly; plus, several people had beer on them and I mooched a few cans off of them.

The night went as any normal night would go. We talked, drank, and danced. Strange things started happening toward the end of the night, again, a usual occurrence. I went into the bathroom to pee, but Foxy dared a gay dude to go in with me. And of course he did. We pretended to be doing something in the bathroom, and I could hear Foxy cracking up outside the door. The gay dude and I walked out of the door, and he was still laughing.

I don't believe anything happened after this for a bit, we just danced. But later that night, we started talking to this girl; first, Foxy dared her to finish a jello-shot off of the floor for a dollar, she did it with ease. Next, he dared her to make out with me for a dollar, again she did it. After this, she started saying that she had a boyfriend and all the random junk that girls say. I moved on to the next girl fairly quickly.

Let me say that first, I was very drunk, and second, there were no other girl at the party. I went for a bisexual who look like David Hasselhoff but had her face slammed into the wall. Her face was almost completely flat. It was unbelievable. I can tell she was ugly, but desperation do drive a man to do deeds he wouldn't do otherwise. Luckily, I ditched her half way through, and went back to my friends.

Tonight was just a weird night, but it was still fun to just horse around.

The Melwood Hostile Hospitality

Today is the Kid Kudi concert. What sucks about it is that it lasted til 10PM, so our options for parties were limited. Especially after discovering a party at Pika, only to get there and realize we had to be on a fucking list. They apparently did not want their party to get too crowded. We just said fuck them and left. After searching for a bit, we got news of a party on melwood. Having no other options, we started walking.

The house that we walked into was surprising more spacious that any other house I have been too. The hallway connected to the door can actually fit 2 people in a row. We said our 'what's ups', nodded our heads toward the dudes living there, and headed downstairs for some beer. To my distaste, the basement was crowded, and the beer they had was called "American." You can't get more cocky than that. Americans drinking American beer, what the fuck? It was no surprise that the beer tasted like ass; no, not a clean and washed ass, but an ass that just evacuated 10 pounds of shits. Without options, I chugged and chugged, minimizing the time that beer stay in my mouth. What was even more fucked up was that they ran out of this American beer. I mean, if you are getting shitty beers, at least buy a shit-ton so you don't ran out an hour into the party.

Being boring and not much else to do, I scoped around, and I saw my friend Fang talking to these two girls. I went over and started to talking with them. I asked Fang for the full beer he had in his hands, he thought that was cute to pour that entire can on me. I was wet from top to bottom, but only in the front. It was so damn uncomfortable; what's worse is the smell, remember how I said the beer tasted like ass, well the smell was worse and I had to carry that with me the entire night. 20 minutes later, all four of us proceeded to move upstairs to dance. Some fuckers destroyed the boombox in the basement, so we wanted to see if any music is playing upstairs. Luckily there was, it was a 1 foot tall karaoke machine; we were in the fucking 80s up there. Too bad no dude was in an afro rocking a cassette player.

I couldn't care less, we just started dancing. What's even more fortunate is that both me and Fang wanted a different girl, and we didn't fight for them. I got the long faced one, he got the baby faced one. Regardless of that, both girls were decent looking, and especially good looking after 8 beers. I have no idea how long we danced, but it was a damn long time. I knew she was into me once we were holding hands, and I tried to let go, but she held on pretty tight.

The surprise of the night happened at about 1AM. The girls went upstairs to go to the bathroom; me, Fang, and this other dude that was trying to compete with Fang for his girl were just talking next to the stairs. Then, out of nowhere, a big dude jumped on Fang, wrapped his arm around Fang's neck, threw him to the ground, and punched him in the face. Being extremely confused, I went in between Fang and that dude.

Me "What the fuck dude? What did we do?"
Dude "That fucker is pissing on my carpet?"
Fang "What are you talking about? I was pissing anywhere, we were just talking."
Dude "You definitely were pissing, how else was  the carpet wet."

At this moment, I realized how fucking dumb this dude is; I just started disproving his theory; fist fight definitely wasn't an option. It was simply a numbers game. On one side, it was me and Fang, totals at about 300 pounds. Barney and my marine friend left with 2 girls; Foxy left cause Lezette was trying to get him into a fight. On the other side, there were 4 huge black dudes, weighing in 1 ton. Chances are if we tried something, we would end up in the hospital, with doctors trying to put our limbs back onto our bodies, and police writing us up for destructive behavior.

Me "How did he piss onto the floor? We were just talking. There was 3 dudes standing in a circle talking, how gay do you think we are?"
Dude "Then who pissed on the floor?"
Me "Fuck if I know, but it definitely wasn't Fang over there. Look at his fly, it's all zipped up. What, you think he can just piss right through his jeans."

I might have said something more, but he was eventually convinced. He apologized to Fang, and told us from now on we can drink for free (We have yet to go back there) and we can stay for the after party. When the girls got back, we told them what happened. Since Fang wasn't really doing well with his girl, I tried to get him some sympathy; it kinda worked, since she was dancing with that other dude and not him just moments before. Regardless, the girls both left, cause according to my girl "They wanted no one tonight." I thought to myself, I just wasted 2 hours, and this was all I get. I said fuck it, and went to check on my friends, the ones that were still left at the party (There was none). But Barney eventually came back, since he was crashing at my place, and needed me.

Right as we were about to leave, Lezette, Snaggie, and some other girl were right about the leave. I decided to wait for them, which turned out to be a great decision. Otherwise I would have missed out on another fight. While we were on the porch, Lezette tried to squeeze through a black dude, and he apparently elbowed her in the face. I personally didn't see this happen, so I couldn't judge who was at fault here. She just went crazy, and charged at the black dude. It told about 3 of us, but we eventually stopped her and dragged her out of that porch. She was crying the entire time, and saying things like "You don't do that to a female." I was laughing on the inside, because she said female. There was no reason for that to be funny, but it definitely was at the moment. Eventually, that black dude and two of his friends caught up with us. My first thought was there would definitely be a war here. To my surprise, Lezette made up with that dude. It was like she was on her 3rd month of pregnancy. The change of mood from angry enough to kill that guy to laughing and hugging him. I just sat back and watched, while just chatting with that black dudes friend. I will never understand woman, especially the Puerto ricans.

The Chicken Wing Incident

Today was kind of a terrible day for parties; my buddies and I were unable to locate any decent parties. Without any decent options, we decided to head to P Cafe. As usual, KMo, Barney, and I waited outside the backdoor, while Foxy and Josh went into to unlock the door. This process has always went pretty smoothly; the people in there just don't understand how to secure their bar, oh well, who cares.

The place was decently big. There are three floors. The first floor is like a combination of a restaurant and a bar. The 2nd floor has a dance floor, and the third floor is just a tiny area where people get drinks. I think the DJ is up in the third floor.

The night started fairly normal; we all got some drinks; everything was half off, so we bought more than the usual amount. Foxy's girlfriend didn't come, so he was a bit more lose then usual. We were talking to these two girls who didn't believe Foxy was over 21. I thought it was pretty funny, cause he does have a baby face. Then, we danced with two other girls; everything was going great, then I made the mistake of telling her that I'm not 21 yet. I figured that's the reason that she left. I really don't fit in bars. Everyone just seem so old. It just felt funny to talk to anyone.

But the real story came at about 12:30ish. I went to the third floor to grab a beer with Barney and Foxy. I noticed that there was a basket of chicken wings just lying on the table in front of the DJ. Knowing me, I can't deny those tiny little bastards. I sneakily took one and walked downstairs. KMo saw me eating it, and said

"Where did you get those from?"
"Dude, there's a whole basket upstairs."

About 10 minutes later, I walked up to the third floor again to grab a beer. I saw KMo arguing with 3 big dudes next to the stairs while holding that basket of chicken wings.
These are the thoughts that went through my head as I walked past him.
"Should I go help him? I can't just leave him hanging alone with 3 dudes. What if he rats out the rest of us? Then everyone's gonna get in trouble. I'll wait and see how this plays out; if it gets worse, I'm tell the guys that KMo mistook those wings for the one he ordered just moments before."

This was what I heard, it's not complete, but it does paint the story fairly well.
Dude "What the fuck are you doing with those wings?"
KMo "I bought them, they are mine."
Dude "No they are not, I saw you take them from the table."
KMo "Sorry, I made a mistake. I'll put it back."
Dude "You think you can just take the wings without any trouble."
KMo "Com'on, don't made a big deal, let me pay for this basket."
Dude "Are you even 21?"

I couldn't hear the rest. But things did not escalate, so I simply walked downstairs. After another 5 minutes later, I saw a bouncer escort KMo out of the bar. Barney texted him, and he just said he didn't get in any trouble, they just told him to leave, so he went back to his dorm.

I still can't believe he tried to take the whole basket.

New York Citaay

This is the long anticipated new York trip. Friday afternoon, we were ready to go. I had to go to UPMC to pick up the eggs my mom made for us. When we drove past UPMC again, we saw nick looking down on the ground and waiting for his bus; we tried to wave at him bit of course he didn't see us.

At about 7pm, we decided to go to KFC for dinner, so I grabbed the GPS and located the nearest KFC. It was in the infamous Bedford. Once we got off the highway, we saw a few restaurants, but we had our eyes set on KFC, so we followed the GPS into a pitch of darkness. There was nothing, no restaurants anywhere. John said screw this and we began to backtrack. Sadly, we found more darkness because John lost his trust of the GPS system so he started his own route. Eventually we got back on the highway but we had absolute no desire to go back to that hellhole. We just pulled over at a resting spit and grabbed some pizza. After a few more hours of driving we got to Andrew's house. We then went to bed and got up next morning. Andrew's mom made us a huge breakfast and it was delicious. We then began our drive to Chloe’s house.

Andrew decided it was a good idea to document John's every moment with the camera. At one toll booth, Andrew took a picture of John paying. The lady there murmured "you shouldn't take a picture of me." most of us didn't really hear her, so we sat I our car waiting for the change. I saw her with a stack of change, so i was really confused as to why she won't let a leave. About 5 minutes later, a cop car pulled next to us and he told John to get out of the lane and pull over at a different spot. He then came to the driver's window and asked to look at our camera. He then asked us some standard question like where we were going and such. He told us to delete the picture and took John's driver's license to check for his criminal record, I assumed. We laughed at this incident for a while.

We then got to Chloe’s house. And apparently nick just got on a plane, after a whole day at the airport. After we are all settled in, we went to the beach. Chloe, Urie, Andrew and I took off our shoes and walked into the icy cold water. It was one of the most painful things I have ever experienced. It wasn't just painful for a small amount of time, it lingered on a while, while my foot warmed itself. I have no idea why I went back into the water a few more times. Then came 5pm when nick had to be picked up at the airport. We spent most of the night planning our morning activities in the city of New York.

Day 1 in NYC. We had tickets to see the statue of liberty at 11 so we had about 30 minutes to waste before getting on the ferry. When we got to the statue, it was much bigger than I thought. We walked around it and then finally went in. It sucked that we couldn't get tickets to into the crown. We only got to the base. It was still pretty cool since the base had a whole museum in it. I learned about the history of the torch and how people tried to solve the lighting problem. We took a few more pictures and headed to Ellis Island, which was not really that interesting, so we just looked around the wall of names and went back to the city.

By that time it was already 2ish, so we decided to not walk to the Brooklyn bridge, but instead just see it from afar. Most of is wanted to go to Chinatown for lunch, so we walked toward our destination. We scanned around Chinatown to find a place and ultimately decided on a Szechuan type place. I ordered the bruised lamb with noodles and it was delicious. It actually tasted like authentic Chinese food, something which I have not experienced thus far in America. Next we headed to a very luxurious restaurant for their smoothies; it was very delicious bit very pricey. Right after eating we started to head back to Chloe's for dinner.

Day 2 in NYC. We started later today and didn't get to the city until 11 or so. We went straight to the museum of natural history and spent about 3 hours doing museum stuff. At 2pm, we went to shake shack for dinner. Our next destination was central park. It wasn't really what I expected it to be. There were no performers at every corner. It was just a normal park but a lot larger than most parks. We climbed a rock during our trail. I set my camera up at the bottom and ran up the rock in 10 seconds to get in the picture. It was fun.

We began walk along the streets of New York and went to some cool shops. The apply store and a toy store. We found Noah’s ark for 2400 dollars. We then walked to an ice skating ring, and we saw a booth that sells to tickets to go to the top of the Rockefeller Plaza. The only problem was that the tickets were 21 dollars apiece. So we were hesitant about buying them. We eventually did and it was worth every penny. We got to the top before sunset and took a bunch of pictures, then took more during sunset and a lot more after sunset. I got a chance to see New York at night on top of a 70 story building. It was truly an amazing experience. Even the elevator ride was spectacular, the roof of the elevator put on lighting show for us. We spent about 90 minutes on the top, and had to come back down to earth to go to the Nintendo store.

Next came Times Square. It had the Vegas strip feeling but not up to the Vegas caliber. It was still awesome to see. We went to the M&M store, toys R us, and the Hershey store. All of which are ridiculously expensive.

Our final destination was a train station that was apparently a very important building. It was cool to see. On our way back to Penn station, I got a picture outside of the Madison square garden. It was awesome. We got on the train and went back to Chloe’s.

The next morning, Chloe took us to an authentic New York pizza place. I do admit the pizza was delicious. After lunch, we said our goodbyes and we took off for the Hershey factory. Right as we got to the Veresano Bridge, we realized that we have to pay a toll and that none of us had money on us. After collecting every penny from everyone, we were still about five dollars short. Katie had cash in her wallet but it was in the trunk. We had to stop the car so she can get the money.

After about 4 hours of driving, we arrived at the Hershey factory at 5:36pm only to realize that the factory closed at 5pm. It funny how there were four of us in the car, we remembered to check the address and whether the tour is free, but no one thought to check the hours. Fail us.

The Angry Girls

Today is the Thursday before spring break, and since we are leaving for new York Friday afternoon so I better go out for the last time this week.

I called up some if my homeboys, by homeboys I mean Matt and Foxy. At about 11ish, Matt, Reeka and I pregamed in my room. Two drinks later we were ready to head out. Matt easily convinced Reeka to come; it was so easy that I was convinced that she was already hammered.

On the way to pi lam, Foxy texted me because I brought Reeka along, and he felt like he won't be able to hit on girls. I told him to relax and he let it go.

The moment we got to pi lam, I realized how crowded it was. I never had to wait for beer because they hand out cans, but there was a huge line there. I guess it was because it was probably the Last party before spring break.

Getting the beer was fun experience. The guys behind the counter were asking questions and you got to get them right to get the beer, unless of course you are a girl. One guy was asking math questions, like the square root of 49. Too bad I was on the other side of the counter and he couldn't hear ne. The guy in front of me was ask us to guess the number he was thinking, and I realized that the number was always seven. Drinking does make you a dummy. I am pretty sure that I had four beers on me at one time. I thought I wouldn't even get one beer that night and I ended up with about 10.

After a little while, I saw Brittney, cassia, and Lezette. After a little small talk, I realized that every girl that was there was hating on Foxy. Brittney was mad at Foxy for his behavior at weekends where he hooked up with random girls. She didn't know about this until Zilb got drunk and told her. Cassia, being Brittney's best friend, naturally hated Foxy. She also told Matt to not bring Foxy. Lezette, the girl who punched me in the balls (I also found out that night that Foxy dared her to do it) wanted to kill Foxy. For some reason, Brittney asked me to dance, and soon after she said it was awkward and we stopped. Besides I can't do that to Foxy. Matt was yelling at me all night saying that he kissed 4 girls (I later found out it was only 3 and one is Brittney and another is cassia).

We left the party at about 1:30 and someone suggested that we go eat at market. I was hungry so I went along. I can't believe I'm saying this but the market central burger was so delicious. I asked Brittney for a sip of her drink and I just took it. And I also remember telling her not to go home with Foxy. This was the seating arrangement, Foxy and Brittney was sitting at a different table, and everyone else sat at another table. It was no surprise that the entire time the girls bashed on Foxy. Me and Matt just decided to defend Foxy a little bit but not enough to piss off the girls. We did a good job may I add.

Cassia and Matt pretenses to be married and cassia was complaining about Matt cheating on her with Brittney. So to shut her up, Matt give her his rings, and she refused to give it back.

When only me, Matt and Reeka were left at the table, she just started to bash on Foxy. She said he just keeps testing her all day and that her inbox can't hold 800 messages and she has to delete her messages all the time. We are thought she was innocent but I guess she proved is wrong. I don't think much else happened afterward; we just got back to our respective dorms.

The next day, I went to play racquetball with Matt and we met up with Brittney cassia and one of their friend so Matt can get his ring back. Britney told us that after her and Foxy’s talk last night, they are officially dating. This took me and Matt by surprise. We could not believe it, because she hated his guts the nifty before. But as long as she is happy, that is really all that matters. This is why I hate two friends dating; it causes a split with the group. It sucks.

I also found out from Matt that Foxy admitted to be bisexual Last night. I asked him about it and he just said he was joking. But I'm not buying it.

28 Kegs: The Rerun

Since missing out on that last 28 kegs party, my buddies and I decided to head back this Friday night. We decided to get there early, and not pregame. Last time  I did that, I missed out on the entire party. We got there 15 minutes before the party actually started, so I practically had a keg to myself. Until people started coming in, then I had the tap. It felt great to be the one who gave out the beer instead of squeezing through hundreds of people just to get a cup.

After getting at least 7 full cups (I mean those where there's no foam in the cups), I forfeited my right and headed downstairs with Foxy. We hit the dance floor, and damn were we successful. We both danced with multiple girls. There was a memorable one. I do not remember what she looked like for a couple of reasons.
1) It was dark in the dance room
2) I did not care
3) She was blasting a joint and I wanted some.
Then we started dancing, and I made the mistake of standing next to the wall. I mean she was pounding me into the wall. And I had nowhere to back into. It was just her and the wall. Painful experience. In the end, she complemented me on my dancing skills, and give me her number. I never bothered to call her back or anything, she wasn't worth the effort.

At around 1ish, the party started to break apart, but I wasn't ready to leave yet. I saw this big girl in the corner dancing, and I went up. Foxy followed and we sandwiched her. I signaled for him to leave, but I'm pretty sure the girl heard me, so I let him back in. Moments later, I just backed out and went away. I danced with a big blonde girl, but when the lighting was just right and I saw her face, I immediately let myself out. I walked out of the dance room, and I saw a girl there. She asked me if I want a cigarette; as usual, I let my penis to the thinking, so I said of course. We walked outside for a smoke, and we just talked a little bit. Moments later, her friends came out of the party to join her. It was the funniest thing, cause the big girl Foxy was with is friends with my girl. It's funny how things like this happen.

We waited for the bus, but nothing came, and luckily, someone called the cab. If there's anything I learned from this night, is that always wear seat belts, especially when you are riding drunk. In the middle of the drive to point park, a car just came out of nowhere, and the cab driver had to slam on the breaks, I almost flew into the front seat. It was damn painful. I don't know what the hell I was thinking.

Once we got to point park, it was just a strange string of events.
- we watched the Hangover twice
- we had shots of this weird bubble gum vodka
- I saw the works of a tampon in water
- Foxy stole a condom that was sticking on the girls wall and put it in my jeans
- and possibly more, but it has been a while since this happened.

Next morning, we just got up and left; those girls were never heard from again, mainly because we avoid them.

The Match of Ages

After blacking out the night before and therefore doing nothing, I tried to make up that night with this night. As usual, we couldn't leave because Foxy don't get off work 'til 11. Even when Foxy changed and was ready, we still had to wait for Matt; the dude take so damn long to put on a shirt.

Saturday night is usually a bummer, mainly due to the lack of parties and entertainment. We wondered to TKE, a usually boring party with a surprisingly civil keg line. Everyone actually stays in a line while waiting instead of the usual pushing and shoving. I can't say the beer tasted good, because it tasted like ass. No matter, I was at a party and getting ready for the fun.

That fun never came. I can pretty much summarize what happened in a couple of sentences. Foxy started dancing with a decently large woman; he dragged me into dancing with her friend, and then out of nowhere, she turned around and kissed me; I was not ready at all, and really confused as to what happened. Then we left.

We were walking back on Atwood, and I swear I still don't know how it started. Foxy and I started to wrestle. Let me describe the scene for you: This was still during the so called snowpocalypse, so every inch of the ground is covered in snow and ice. We just started, and I won round 1. Just as we were about to stop, Matt encouraged us to continue. Foxy won round 2, so I insisted on a tie-breaker. As a man, you either win or lose, there's no middle ground. Right before round 4, a random dude just walked into the scene and suddenly became the referee. I was wondering what the hell that guy was, but I didn't care, I wanted to win this match. Just when you think that this couldn't escalate more, Foxy ripped off his sweater and shirt and started yelling at me. I naturally followed; 30 seconds later, both of us were half naked and wrestling on ice. The ref ruled that the match was over after Foxy got on top of me during round 5, but I know for a fact that I never said I quit. Believe whatever you want to believe.

When we put our shirts back on, we realized that both of us were bloody. Since we were in freezing weather and intoxicated, there was no pain, but there was a lot of hunger. As everyone drunk person do at 2AM, we walked into Surrento's for a $5 pizza. The place was completely packed, but we managed to find a table and sit down. After finishing our pizza, Foxy and I started talking to these two girls at around table, describing our recent mishap.

Then a moment of truth finally arrived, and Foxy and I realized we need to bandage ourselves up. And where's the best place to do that? Of course the answer is the McDonald bathroom. We walked into the bathroom, and Foxy automatically started to bandage me; but after wrapping every part of me that had blood,  he didn't stop and continued. After he was done, my arm looked like it had a cast on. They then somehow convinced me to let them wrap my head in toilet paper and walk out into the street like that. I was a ninja for the first half, and then a mummy for the second half. I even made up a song and a guitar solo. It wasn't great music, but certainly have moron characters.

When we walked to the cathedral, I had a brilliant idea of who can jump over the bushes. I volunteered to be the first, and I somewhat made it. I sort of rolled over. Next was Foxy, I had no idea what happened to him, but he spun the wrong way and landed on his back. If it wasn't for the snow and grass, something would have been broken. The yell he let out was a screeching noise that only he can made. Don't believe me? I wouldn't lie about this. I don't know what possessed us to do this, it just seemed like such a great fucking idea at the moment.

As our agreement for Foxy to come out, we all had to sleep in the common room, which we did. Trust me when I said this: it was not comfortable. I have slept there before twice, one time because I put in my code to open my door wrong 3 times so I had to wait 15 minutes before trying again and I didn't want to wait, another time was just because I just couldn't remember my damn code. They seriously need better couches for occasions such as this.

28 Kegs: The Blackout II

Today, I got the news that a house on Dithridge is having a party called 28 kegs of Feburary, where during the course of 4 weeks in February, they will have 28 total kegs, 7 per week. This just sounded absolutely amazing, so I decided to go.

I called Barney and told him to come to my apartment to pregame. The original plan was to start at 9 and leave at 10, but due to the reliability of the Port Authority Bus system, Barney arrived at 9:30. So we decided to drink the same amount as plan but in much shorter time. Remember what happened last time I did that? Go check out the first blackout. So, in a matter of 20 minutes, we downed 7 to 8 shots, I lost tracked half way through it. My fifth of Bacardi rum was nearly empty when we were done.

Honestly speaking, I felt awesome: perfectly drunk, stumbling everywhere. We met up with Foxy, Face, and KMo along the way, and we head toward the party.

It was no surprise that the party was packed with we got there, but luckily Nyquist was the one holding the tap, and I was able to gain VIP access to the keg. Sound perfect right? Except I don't remember ever asking him for beer. He told me the next day about this.

The next thing I remember is walking up the stairs to go to the bathroom. I waited in line for the 3 girls in the bathroom, so naturally I had to wait for years. I then somehow stumbled into the kitchen, and according to everyone I know, I threw up there, and it wasn't just a small puddle, It was a fucking lake. Nyquist told me he asked me to go to the bathroom, but I wouldn't move. The moment I started puking, he just left, which was a great move.

Then somehow, I had a piece of memory where I was stumbling out of the house. I even waved at some people. The rest was just pitch black. But I did wake up on my bed, which was definitely good.

I tried to find out what happened. And this is the story I gather.

KMo and Barney carried me house, but Barney was also in pretty bad shape, so KMo had to pretty much carry us both. Did I mention it was 4 blocks from the party to my dorm and both me and Barney weigh over 170 pounds? It still amazes me to think that we got back. KMo also told me that Barney passed out in my bathroom, for whatever reason.

What funny is that I woke up completely fine, no hangover or anything. It was really strange.

Too Much Heat at Club Heat

Today was the grand opening of Club Heat, the new Pegasus. I still ponders why they moved to the south side. Wouldn't staying in Downtown produce more profit? Whatever.

We wanted to leave early so we can get in; so Foxy and I went to Face's place to pregame. He's got a nice little studio. The moment I walked in, I knew it was his apartment. There's not one corner of that apartment that's not covered in some sort of alcoholic beverage. Don't get me wrong, I was definitely happy to see it. Mark was also there.

Face "Just drink a couple, whatever you want, and we'll head out. We can drink at the club."
(I was so glad he said that, cause he's the driver for tonight.)
Me "You know I'm under 21 right?"
Face "Shit, then you gotta started drinking."

I obeyed with 3 beers, 4 double shots, 3 mix drinks, and possibly more. I can't really remember. I do remember that while I was drinking my pepsi and vodka, Foxy poured in some rum, and it was absolutely the most disgusting thing ever.

So, after somewhere from 15 to 20 drinks, we started to head to the club. I had some rum on me, and Mark bumped me on the way out, and it splashed everywhere. For some reason, I was really glad, because I knew if I drink more, something bad will happen. Mark offered his vodka, and by offered I mean he forced me to drink it. I managed to avoid that.

We were blasting music, yelling out the window, you know, the regular stuff that drunk dumbasses do. We even stopped in the middle of the trip to piss off a hill or something.

And as expected, when we got the club, there was a huge line of people. It looked like a traffic jam in freaking Manhattan. That's how long the line is. But we still waited in line, and 20 minutes later, we were at the front door.

The bouncer asked us for our id. He checked Foxy's and Face's, and said "alright, you guys are good, just get in." I FUCKING got in as 21, I even got a stamp on my hand to prove it. It was just awesome.

This new club is definitely bigger than the old one, and there were 2 floors: the lower one for the underage people, and the upper one is for those over 21. Naturally, we went upstairs. It was just packed. We had so much trouble walking around, it was nuts.

We just danced with girls and stuff. Nothing exciting really happened. The fun part was at the end of the night. I was left alone to wonder, because I was the odd man out. After searching for a while and realizing that all the girls were taken. I decided to sit down for a little bit to rest up. I lowered my head because usually, 5 hours into being drunk tire most people out. I don't know how long I sat there for, but all of the sudden, I heard loud voices

Bouncer "Wake up, you are outta here."
Me "I wasn't sleeping, I was just sitting there."
Bouncer "I don't give a fuck, you are fucking outta here."

They just carried me outside, and luckily, didn't throw me on the ground. I texted Foxy but there were no responses. I checked the time and it was 1:30; my friend probably weren't leaving any time soon, and I did not want to wait outside in the cold.

So, after 10 minutes, I walked back in. Another bouncer asked me what I was doing, and I just said "I need to go find my friends." For some reason, he just let me in. I found Foxy, and danced with his girl's friend for like 20 minutes.

Then, one of the bouncers who threw me out recognized me, and grabbed me.

Bouncer "If you come back again, we gonna call the cops."

I didn't feel like arguing, so I obeyed and just left. Luckily, this time I got thrown out at 2:20. I texted Foxy again and he said he was on his way out. When the three of them came out, Face looked extremely pissed off. He said some guy tried to steal his girl or something, and I remember getting all fired up to beat up that dude, cause I wasn't happy about getting thrown out. Nothing happened though, we just drove home.

The Time a Girl Punched Me in the Nuts

This is the 3rd straight day that I went out. I wasn't really planning on going out tonight, but Foxy dragged to me to this mysterious house party on Fifth. The only reason he dragged me is because he didn't want to be the odd man out. I don't know why I said yes, cause this night was mostly a disaster.

When we got there, the house was designed in a funny way. The living room where the party was was surprisingly small, while the living room upstairs is almost twice the size. Whatever asshole designed this place obvious can't stand family gatherings or something. I didn't care, I went straight for the alcohol and made a drink consist of peach vodka and coconut juice. It was fucking delicious. I drank this one slowly because I wanted to enjoy it.

Bad fucking move, cause when I finished that cup, there was nothing left. I played beer pong with water for god sakes. I wasn't having fun even if I dominated at beer pong. I thought this night would be the shittest night ever. Luckily, I turned around and got my eyes set on a box of wine. Naturally, I wasn't about to made the same mistake as last time, so I chugged away, as fast as I could. Next thing I know, I was fucking drunk and it was awesome.

I started to talk to this girl named Jamie; did I mention there was like 8 people at this party? No, well know you know. I soon found out that she has a boyfriend, so just as I was about to give up, she invited me up to her room. I thought this might go somewhere, but all she wanted to talk about was how to set up her friend with Foxy. I thought to myself, "whatever, it's not like I can do anything else tonight." So I talked to her.

Then, out of nowhere, a guy bust through the door. I didn't know who he was, so I just waved and said "what's up dude?" He then stormed out and slammed the door shut, Jamie explain to me that dude is her boyfriend. I said to myself "shit, I could have gotten my ass kicked." So I took off immediately.

The next girl, named Lez I talked to had somewhat a temper; she got super pissed out at me for mistaking her for a Mexican. I mean she was literally cursing me out.
"You fucking Asian, don't know what the fuck you are fucking talking about. You and your fucking wits should just get the fuck out of my fucking country." I don't think there's enough "fuck" in this quote to cover everyone she said. It was funny, cause she's telling me to get out of America while she's from Puerto Rico. I chuckled.

The next thing that happened has been confirmed by several people. So apparently, Foxy dared Lez to punch my in the balls while I was passed out. And I continued to challenge her.
"Com'on, you can't do it. You don't have the fucking nerves."
Why was I so fucking stupid???? Next, I was crawling on the floor, yelling in pain. Thank god I don't remember this at all.

When this party was over, Foxy and I went upstairs for some reason, and there was a guy and his girlfriend taking shots of Jose Cuervo. I asked for some, and he told me to lick some salt, take the shot, and then eat a piece of lemon. I tried it, and it was so delicious (possibly due to how drunk I was, but who cares.)

Tonight's alcohol count: 1 mix drunk, 2 shots of vodka, an entire box of wine, and 4 shots of tequila. That a recipe for disaster. Thankfully, Foxy drove, so I actually was able to get back home. The next morning, I woke up with the worst headache and a fever, a perfect way to reward me to going to a shitty ass party.

Starstruck

This is the 2nd part of the 3 part series of this week. Today, I was invited to the Democratic party. Knowing what I know about Democrats here, I expected people to be yelling "Obama, Obama, Obama" all fucking night. Also, I heard the party gets so fucking crazy that it would be an awesome night.

I called up Face and KMo and we headed over at 10PM. The party was somewhat dead when we got there, but who cares. I headed to the basement with my cup and filled it up all the way and started my rampage. The beer was of course terrible, and even with like 5 people, that little room with the keg was still filled up. I was getting irritated about waiting for beer, so I went out of that fucking cubicle and out of nowhere encounter a jug of jungle juice. Now daddy's home. I chugged away until my stomach was on the brink of explosion, then I chugged more. Feeling like heaven, Face and I decided to wait inline for Beer Pong, that is until he started singing Bad Romance and then talked to this girl. I just continued to watch the beer pong battle.

Then out of nowhere, the moment I turned around to look at Face, he introduced me to this girl. So naturally, I started talking to her, and Dave just said "I'm gonna go get more beer, I'll be right back." He never came back. I can't remember what I said or did to that girl, but she absolutely loved me. We were making out within 5 minutes after Face left. We were just kissing, she gave me a hickey on my tongue. It was great. She was stroking my chest, so I naturally returned the favor. I don't want to discriminate, but her boobs were insanely nice; I mean it was perfectly soft, but not slimy; can stand on their own, and she let me play with them. It was fucking awesome, until her idiot friend dragged her away and say they need to go to a private party and I wasn't invited. She begged her friend to let me come, but that bitch didn't bite. So I left and found Face, according to him, he hooked up with 4 different girls that night. That's damn impressive for a party that had like 20 people.

We didn't want the night to end yet, so Face suggested we go to PCafe, but I had to sneak it. So when we got there, Face went in and tried to open up the back door while I waited for him. Then out of nowhere, this black dude said to me "talk with that guy up on the stairs"

David "Why?"
Black dude "Just do it."
Guy "I can't do it, there's too many people."
David "What the fuck do you mean?"
Guy "I just can't do it."
Black dude "Fuck, I can't go in, they recognize me. FUCK."
David "Who the fuck are you that they recognize you?"
Black dude "I'm fucking Dion Lewis."
David "Holy shit, this is fucking awesome, nice to meet you dude."

We shot shit some more, but Face was never able to get us in, apparently there's a bouncer at the back door now, what kind of this shit is this.

Dion just left with his buddies, and me and Face walked down Atwood to look for something. We eventually came across this grill outside of hookah bar, and we each bought a cheeseburger. I swear to god that this burger was the best thing I have ever eaten; it's so fucking tasty. Maybe it was because I was absolutely shitfaced, but who cares, I had a delicious burger. I even went back to my apartment and told my buddies that "I just had the breast burger of my life." I had some trouble pronouncing words. It was a fucking great night.