Strip Tease in WV

Wednesday, Dec 16th, finals were over, and I may just have failed my Foundation of ChemE final (later found out I got a C). While in a bad mood and hanging with Foxy (the security guard, for future reference), we began talking about random guy stuff, girls (Foxy don’t like sports, so that topic is out). Then out of nowhere, he asked me what we should do that night, I simply suggested going to a strip club. And of course he agreed.

But after 30 minutes of searching, the only 18+ club we can find is Legz. The problem was that it is in West Virginia, and Foxy don’t get off ‘til 11PM, so we waited ‘til the next day to leave.

Thursday, Dec 17th, 6PM, I packed alcohol, a change of cloth, my breathalyzer, and $30. Foxy got back from the gym and picked me up in his BMW convertible to go to his house first. We got there, he showered then showed me a fight scene from final fantasy; it was pretty exciting. At the final fight, the guy’s sword split into like eight different weapons, and he just destroyed the enemy, damn awesome. On our way out, Foxy’s mom asked where we were going and he said to a strip club. Surprisingly his mom didn’t care, but only said something about don’t do cocaine and some random shit like that. I was dying of laughter.

The drive was standard: music, sing along, see some random hitchhiker, you know the deal. 1 hour and half later, we got in to burger king, and ordered dinner. I looked around and told Foxy: West Virginia girls aren’t looking too good right now. So we finished our food and head to Foxy’s sister’s apartment, which conveniently located 5 minutes walking distance from Legz. Got in, took a few shots, Foxy played with her cats, and we were off.

We didn’t try to sneak in the alcohol we had on us at first, we just hid it outside. This kinda pissed me off, Foxy was charged $5, but I was charged $15, just because I was underage, that’s bullshit. Now, even though this was the first time I was actually in a strip club, everything was expected, the lighting, the bar, the girls, nothing was out of ordinary. We sat down, watch a few dances, slipped a couple of dollar bills, etc. We then went out for a drink; Foxy forced me to take two large sips of a mixing drink with half of it being 151, that’s freaking 75%. I remember my stomach burning for at least a minute. Now we actually did sneak the bottle in. We then went to the bathroom; here’s the funny thing that happened. Foxy was blowing his nose in the stall, he’s weird like that. The bouncer literally pulled him out of the stall and asked if he was snorting coke. He pleaded with him and show the tissue he was blowing on, not a great scene. I was of course cracking up on the side. But man was I glad he didn’t take out the bottle we sneaked in.

I talked with a few stripper, found out one of them came all the way from California to work as a stripper, while most others go to school somewhere. I complained to one about being underage. I then played pool with a strip and lost; what a shame. Most strippers only talk to you so they can give you a lap dance, but I didn’t mind. All I needed to say was “I’m underage and I only have eight dollars” if I don’t feel like wasting my time talking.

Foxy went back to his sister’s to get rid of the bottle. He brought back her fiancée, James, who happened to work there as a bouncer. We just chilled a bit, and James told us to go watch Sidney dance. We did and that was probably the best 3 dollars I ever spent, she was amazing, sexy, a great pole dancer, and everything about her was great. She even gave us all a hug on the way out. We left at like 12:30, about 4 hours after we got there.

Funny how Foxy’s family function, during their conversations, if I don’t hear the words vagina, girls, sex, and anything related, something was wrong. His sister and Foxy gave each other massages. She tried to pull me in because I apparently looked lonely, but I told her I’ll let them keep that in the family. Foxy then started to complain that he wanted to go back home; I wanted to stay for the night. After a back and forth battle, he finally won at 2AM, just because he wouldn’t stop whining. His sister at least offered me some leftover chicken finger from Texas Road House. It was the most amazing chicken finger ever; I was pissed that I wouldn’t be able to go there the next day for lunch, there’s only one in West Virginia and none near where I live.

Since Foxy was still a bit drunk and I was only sleepy and completely sober, I decided it was best if I drive. I remember Foxy complaining I was drinking too slow, which was true, I was going 50 on a 70 highway, but I was trying to get used to his car. It was fucking 4AM, and I was driving; that was just a recipe for disaster. There were a few close calls along the way (almost hitting a giant ass truck, almost drove off the highway); I did doze off a few times, but luckily I got back scratch free.

We filled up the car with gas, and I went back to my apartment. Told my roommate what happened and I passed out on my bed.