This story almost didn't happen, because I was suppose to go Amsterdam, and I really had no intention to go to Prague. However, Amsterdam didn't come through, and I decided to go to Prague, since I got nothing else to do. This turned out to be a great decision. It took a long time to get there, but Prague is such a beautiful city. I didn't know this going in, but Prague is one of the top party cities in the world. I was so glad that I came. We did normal tourist stuff during the day, and when the sun fell, we were really to head out.
We stopped by a bar first, and I had absinthe for the first time. It was delicious, not at all strong, and a great way to start off my night. Let's keep count of how much I drank. This is a double shot of about 70% alcohol, so 4. Then I ordered a double shot of some random vodka, so 6. I also ordered a B52 shot, 7 finished half of long island ice tea, so 8. This was only the bar.
We walked to a club, paid the cover, and walked in. It was the best club I have ever been to, no joke. There are five stories: each story had its over theme, music, and lighting. It was so awesome. Nothing too exciting happened at a club, we danced, stopped some creepy dudes from hitting on our friends. At around 4AM, the club closed and we started to walk back to our hostel. While I was in the club, I had 3 long island ice tea, and 4 tequila shots, so 15.
When we were about half way back, a random girl walked up to me; she put one hand on my crotch and started rubbing and other hand on my ass. Due to the amount of alcohol I consumed, I did not realize what she was. I just put my arm around her and enjoyed the free handjob. I just continued to talk to my friends like nothing was happening.
However, my friends started pushing her away. The only thought going through my head was "What the fuck did I do to you guys? Why are you doing this to me? This is cockblocking, literally." I don't remember if I actually asked what they were doing, I just remember I was a bit ticked off. Then, one guy pretended to be my boyfriend and told the girl that I was gay and she should leave.
By now, I finally realized that she was a hooker, and I was thinking straight enough to realize that I do not want to do a hooker, because one, she is a hooker, and two, I have no money in my wallet. I wasted everything on alcohol that night, about 50 dollars. I started to play along as being gay, and another friend came up and kissed me on the cheeks, just in case she needed more proof.
I also tried to push her away; I aimed for her shoulders, but without coordination and motor skills, I missed my target, I was a little low and toward the middle. You guessed, I pushed on her boobs. And they were pretty nice.
Thus end my night and my one and only encounter with a prostitution. What can I say about this experience? Hookers are real people who are just trying to make a living. They are not always ugly hoes; this one was pretty good looking with a pretty good body. All I want to say is, unless you are extremely desperate, don't do a hooker. But if you are, remember that you might be helping to feed her 5 children.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Tour de Aachen
As a group decision, we unanimously agreed to not travel this weekend, to take a break from our 4 day trip to southern France. Then a couple people went to Amsterdam, but I don't want to talk about that now.
So Saturday night, George, Andre, and I met up with Mark, and we had a BBQ outside. Both George and I had 5 brats, and a huge piece of chicken. My stomach wanted to explode after that. It hard to say, but there is a limit of the amount of sausages you can eat at once. (Important information for meat lovers and sluts.) Don't chock on it.
Later, we headed to Mark's friends apartment to drink, and we picked up a case of Bitburger. It was just a small gathering, nothing too crazy. Like I said before, we are having a low key weekend. After a few drinks, we started to play "Kings." Everyone who has ever played it know how drunk people become after the game ends, especially when someone brings a bottle of Ouzo. That shit is insanely delicious. When I was little, I always ate this coughing medicine that tasted exactly like Ouzo. Of course, I drank a ton of it. Ben, the guy who brought this, and I were doing shots out of a shot glass the size of Mount Rushmore. Naturally, I was out of my fucking mind. Apparently, I was bragging about my basketball skills and challenged Ben to a match. I had no idea what we bet. (I later found out we bet a beer, and he whooped my ass so bad, that even Jackie Chan would be impressed.)
According to George and Andre, I passed out on the couch at around 2AM. Most people left soon after that. But George and Andre decided to stay, for some reason until 5AM. I mean they stayed up the entire time while I was unconscious; to this day, I still have no idea what happened those three hours. I woke up all of the sudden and saw light outside. I thought to myself "I hope I'm still at the apartment." I opened my eyes and saw George and I felt relived, but in some pain. I ignored that and we started walking home. (I later found out George and Andre slapped me over and over again to wake me up. Thanks guys.)
I jumped on George's back and his initial reaction was of course to hurt me, so he throw me into the wall. Fortunately, alcohol deadened the pain and I barely felt it. But still, cheap shot. What are friends for? To carry you when you are wasted at 5:30 in the morning.
We were 50 feet from the bus stop, and I saw a bus and naturally assumed I can take it to go home, so I sprinted toward the bus, and I caught it. I pounded on the door for the driver to open it, but he didn't and just drove away. George told me the bus was stopped a red light, so he wouldn't open the door. I said fuck and sat down at the bus stop.
Sometime later, I think it's about 6AM, George woke me up again and told me to get on the bus. Andre told me where to get off, and they both left to go home, which with my luck, both of them lives in the opposite direction. I told them I will be fine and went to sit down.
The bus I took was 3A at the Hauptbahnhof (Main Train Station in Aachen) My destination was the Uniklinik (Aachen Hospital), which is 15 minutes away. I got on the bus expect to be home soon so I can rest easily on my bed.
...
The next thing I remember was waking up right at the Uniklinik. I thought "Awesome, I sure know when to wake up." I stood up to get off the bus, and I felt enormous pain from my behind. I realized that my butt cheeks are so sore that I wanted to get ass-cheeks-replacement-surgery. But I then realized they are a really nice pair, and so I decided to walk it off. I had to do the penguin walk to minimize my ass movement.
I wondered to myself, why does my ass hurt so much after a 15 minute ride? Then I checked my phone, and HOLY SHIT, it was 9AM. I was on the fucking bus for 3 FUCKING hours. I rode that bus 3 times around the city. This is easily the longest bus ride of my life.
Take this to be a lesson to everyone out there: DO NOT SIT DOWN ON A BUS IN A COMFORTABLE POSITION AT THE PEAK OF YOUR DRUNKENNESS.
F my life. The F stands for Fucking Awesome.
So Saturday night, George, Andre, and I met up with Mark, and we had a BBQ outside. Both George and I had 5 brats, and a huge piece of chicken. My stomach wanted to explode after that. It hard to say, but there is a limit of the amount of sausages you can eat at once. (Important information for meat lovers and sluts.) Don't chock on it.
Later, we headed to Mark's friends apartment to drink, and we picked up a case of Bitburger. It was just a small gathering, nothing too crazy. Like I said before, we are having a low key weekend. After a few drinks, we started to play "Kings." Everyone who has ever played it know how drunk people become after the game ends, especially when someone brings a bottle of Ouzo. That shit is insanely delicious. When I was little, I always ate this coughing medicine that tasted exactly like Ouzo. Of course, I drank a ton of it. Ben, the guy who brought this, and I were doing shots out of a shot glass the size of Mount Rushmore. Naturally, I was out of my fucking mind. Apparently, I was bragging about my basketball skills and challenged Ben to a match. I had no idea what we bet. (I later found out we bet a beer, and he whooped my ass so bad, that even Jackie Chan would be impressed.)
According to George and Andre, I passed out on the couch at around 2AM. Most people left soon after that. But George and Andre decided to stay, for some reason until 5AM. I mean they stayed up the entire time while I was unconscious; to this day, I still have no idea what happened those three hours. I woke up all of the sudden and saw light outside. I thought to myself "I hope I'm still at the apartment." I opened my eyes and saw George and I felt relived, but in some pain. I ignored that and we started walking home. (I later found out George and Andre slapped me over and over again to wake me up. Thanks guys.)
I jumped on George's back and his initial reaction was of course to hurt me, so he throw me into the wall. Fortunately, alcohol deadened the pain and I barely felt it. But still, cheap shot. What are friends for? To carry you when you are wasted at 5:30 in the morning.
We were 50 feet from the bus stop, and I saw a bus and naturally assumed I can take it to go home, so I sprinted toward the bus, and I caught it. I pounded on the door for the driver to open it, but he didn't and just drove away. George told me the bus was stopped a red light, so he wouldn't open the door. I said fuck and sat down at the bus stop.
Sometime later, I think it's about 6AM, George woke me up again and told me to get on the bus. Andre told me where to get off, and they both left to go home, which with my luck, both of them lives in the opposite direction. I told them I will be fine and went to sit down.
The bus I took was 3A at the Hauptbahnhof (Main Train Station in Aachen) My destination was the Uniklinik (Aachen Hospital), which is 15 minutes away. I got on the bus expect to be home soon so I can rest easily on my bed.
...
The next thing I remember was waking up right at the Uniklinik. I thought "Awesome, I sure know when to wake up." I stood up to get off the bus, and I felt enormous pain from my behind. I realized that my butt cheeks are so sore that I wanted to get ass-cheeks-replacement-surgery. But I then realized they are a really nice pair, and so I decided to walk it off. I had to do the penguin walk to minimize my ass movement.
I wondered to myself, why does my ass hurt so much after a 15 minute ride? Then I checked my phone, and HOLY SHIT, it was 9AM. I was on the fucking bus for 3 FUCKING hours. I rode that bus 3 times around the city. This is easily the longest bus ride of my life.
Take this to be a lesson to everyone out there: DO NOT SIT DOWN ON A BUS IN A COMFORTABLE POSITION AT THE PEAK OF YOUR DRUNKENNESS.
F my life. The F stands for Fucking Awesome.
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