The Wakeup

Sophomore year is over, and this is the last day I'll live in my dorm room. To my distaste, all of my friends have already gone home, and I was left alone in the building. Fortunately, Foxy's always around to keep me company. This same night, we decided to head to Heat once again, to party together one last time before summer begins.

As well, we pregamed (I mean, who doesn't before going to a club). The place was damn near packed when we got there. I thought to myself tonight would totally worth $5. However, as life always goes, everything goes around and fuck you from behind. Upstairs, the fun part of the club, was almost empty. Everyone's outside chilling on the balcony for some reason.

30 minutes into the action, I decided to find out what tonight is, because Heat usually have a theme for most night. I was excited to find out that tonight was "sexy night." Sounds rocking right? Too bad all the ugly people went. Then comes the beauty of alcohol. It makes boring people interest, forecast ugly people as attractive, and eliminates any standard I have. Screw Einstein, give the dude that invented alcohol a Noble Price.

Given into tonight's Sexy Night theme, I absolutely had to take off my shirt; who can be sexy with a shirt on right? Too bad Foxy didn't share the same belief; I even asked several somewhat attractive girls' opinions (keep in mind I'm already pretty much drunk), and they all said shirt off is better. He didn't budge.

As the night went on, I had several interesting conversations, I had given up on finding a girl with no self esteem, mainly because everyone there was gay. I can only remember 2 of those conversations, they go something like this.

I was talking to this black dude sitting a chair about rap. He mentioned something about Dr. Dre and I just went all black on him.

"Yo dude, Dr. Dre's the bomb, yo. Straight Outta Compton shit is fucking awesome."

Actually, that's all I remember talking to him about. Then I somehow convinced him to give me his neck chain that has a lighting rod on it, you know, one of those nightclub necklaces.

Then, I started talking to a lesbian, and of course, when you talk to a lesbian, you ask questions about being a lesbian, because all guys love lesbians, and those who don't are either gay or asexual.

"So, you were straight before turning into a lesbian?"
"Yeah, pretty much."
"Is it different? How do guys compare to girls?"
"Girls are better, girls know how to take care of girls."
"Of course, I heard guys give the best hand jobs. I don't know it personally, just heard about it."

She giggled, and the rest was blurry.

I went back to the dance floor and literally started dancing with the only girl that is there. 30 seconds into it, I found out she has a boyfriend. I said fuck it, and continued. Too bad another 30 seconds later, she kissed me and ran away. My eye followed her to a fairly large man. I decided to evacuate immediately.

Here is the reason why this story is named the wakeup. We got out of the club, and obvious I was really drunk. Foxy was sober because he has to drive. We spent 20 minutes looking for his car, but it wasn't there. Then we found a sign that says "All streets need to be cleared by 2AM due the marathon tomorrow." We checked our phones and it was 3AM. He obvious wasn't happy, because otherwise we would have gone to the after party that we were invited to.

He decided to call safe rider to get us home. But the wait was 45 minutes. We just sat in the grass and waited. I told him just call me when safe rider gets here, I'll just lie on the grass for a little bit. The next small piece of memory was me getting off the bus and unable to open the door. The security guard has to help me. Then was waking up almost completely wet from head to toe. I had no fucking clue what happened.

The next day, Foxy filled me in. I passed out while lying on the grass, obviously. When the bus finally got to us, Foxy tried to wake me up, but nothing worked. Without other ideas, the bus driver walked out of the bus, while holding a gallon of water. He dumped it all on me and I finally woke up. But I thought I was only out for a minute and didn't realize I was wet. The bus driver dropped me off and I went home. Foxy had to bribe the driver with some cash because he lived farther away. So pouring water on someone passed out actually works, who would known?

The Gay Party

One of the last weekends left in my sophomore year, so I had to make the most of it. Too bad fate is never on my side, and there were virtually no parties going on this entire month. It was terrible; what else am I suppose to do on a weekend night? Then, at around 10PM, I was sitting in the lounge chatting with Foxy, and all of the sudden we saw our RA walking through with flashy makeups and a mohawk. She said there is a party on Dawson street and we were welcome to come. Having no other choices, we decided to go.

Once we got there, I realized that it was a toga party, for the gays and lesbians. I have no problem with it; tonight was a fun night. There was a little man there carrying a tray of jello-shots, which was apparently all they had for drinks. Having no choice, I started chugging away. After negotiating the price, I managed to get 3 for a dollar; but for some reason, he gave me 5, and then I handed him my dollar, then he gave me 3 more. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't complaining at all; it was awesome. So naturally, I got drunk quickly; plus, several people had beer on them and I mooched a few cans off of them.

The night went as any normal night would go. We talked, drank, and danced. Strange things started happening toward the end of the night, again, a usual occurrence. I went into the bathroom to pee, but Foxy dared a gay dude to go in with me. And of course he did. We pretended to be doing something in the bathroom, and I could hear Foxy cracking up outside the door. The gay dude and I walked out of the door, and he was still laughing.

I don't believe anything happened after this for a bit, we just danced. But later that night, we started talking to this girl; first, Foxy dared her to finish a jello-shot off of the floor for a dollar, she did it with ease. Next, he dared her to make out with me for a dollar, again she did it. After this, she started saying that she had a boyfriend and all the random junk that girls say. I moved on to the next girl fairly quickly.

Let me say that first, I was very drunk, and second, there were no other girl at the party. I went for a bisexual who look like David Hasselhoff but had her face slammed into the wall. Her face was almost completely flat. It was unbelievable. I can tell she was ugly, but desperation do drive a man to do deeds he wouldn't do otherwise. Luckily, I ditched her half way through, and went back to my friends.

Tonight was just a weird night, but it was still fun to just horse around.