But all of that isn't true. The LoveParade is a parade of techno music in Duisburg, Germany this year, parading about love or something like that. And no, it's not weird that my made up shit was more descriptive of the actual information. It is usually help in Berlin, but for some reason, the organizers decided it was time to downgrade. Fortunately, Duisburg was only a short 1 hour train ride away from me, so i was able to go.
There were about 15 of us who wanted to go. And among the 15, most wanted to go to Bonn first, and I was one of those people. Sadly, as always I snoozed my alarm, and never woke up on time. I got a phone call about 15 minutes before the train left asking where I was. By then everyone was already at the train stain and didn't want to wait for me. Fuck them. So, I just called the others who wanted to go straight to Duisburg, so at least I won't miss the parade. This turned out to be a great decision. You will find out later, I want to keep the suspense.How else by M Night Shyamalan sell movies.
As always, I went into the train station completely unprepared, I didn't even bother buying a train ticket beforehand. I went to check the price and it was a staggering 60 euros for a one way ticket. Fuck that, this parade wasn't that good. Fortunately, I happened to ran into some other Americans who are also going to Duisburg, so I just went with them with a group ticket. They were in the same city but doing a different research program. I saved like 40 euros, and met some cool people. The little Indian dude I sat next to was fucking nuts. Even though I have no recollection of his stories, I remember them as being crazy. Well, maybe not top of the line crazy, my first impression of the kid was a little nerdy engineer. He surprised me a little I guess. While on the train, some random Germans were yelling "Free Beer, free beer." They had a mini keg and bunch of plastic cups. It felt just like home. Even if it was 11AM, I went and got one. Set your timer now.
We got to Duisburg at around 12:30ish, and ate something (I bought the Doner Kebab, it is still to this day one of the most amazing food ever created. It has a round bun split in half, and stuffed with Turkish meat, lettuce, tomato, and mayo. It creates the perfect combination of deliciousness and filling. I am always stuffed when I finish, and yet it is only a fraction of the cost compared to other foods. Unfortunately, since I have been back in America, I have not had the opportunity to taste it again. Nobody here makes it right. I do hope the cab driver who I inspired to come to America and open a Doner restaurant took my advice). We then started to walk toward the parade. It was decently crowded, but not too bad. While slowly walking toward the gates, we passed a retirement home, and everyone was waving and yelling at the old lady standing in front of the window.
We got in right before the parade started, and everyone just settled down in an area while we waited. The first parade bus started to move, and we all stood up to watch. It was quite a scene. Naturally, we kept drinking while waiting for each bus to pass. The beer was surprisingly cheap for a parade, only 3 euros. God, I must have spent 50 euros just on beer.
Then, out of nowhere, I got a text from a friend who went to Bonn asking if I was ok because he heard several people died at the parade. Obvious I am, because otherwise I wouldn't be able to write this. I was really confused at the moment. Later, I found out much more people came to the parade than expected, but the organizers only made one entrance, so 1.4 million people were squeezing through a tiny tunnel trying to get to the parade, and those who fell never had the chance to get up. The only reason the parade wasn't canceled was because the organizers didn't panic from the inside too. It was scary. The people who went to Bonn were locked out from the parade, so that was why I was lucky.
But back to the parade, there were about 10 techno buses, each playing a slightly different style of music. Now, to be clear, I am no techno fan, but when you are that drunk, you are a fan of anything. Only about a hour into the parade, I was separated from Ma'am (nickname for the two people from my program who came with me), and for some reason it was impossible for us to regroup. I kept telling them I was at bus number 7, they would tell me that they were at 7 too. This whole thing was just complicated and very very confusing. After a while, we just gave up.
After seeing all the parade buses, (sadly, there was only one topless girl, and even those are fake) I went to the stage area with the other Americans I came up. The stage had a new DJ every half an hour. The lighting was insanely awesome, check out the view below.
We stayed there til the crack of dawn. I'm fairly sure that the entire place was on lockdown, so we had to stay anyways. During that time, I made friends with a bunch of random Germans. A couple of them just came up to me and wanted a picture, I said why not and took a few. I also got a picture with a dude in a lion suit, and a pirate. There was a random German who kept talking to me about his sister, and how he had so many beautiful women that he didn't know what to do with them. He wanted to set me up with his sister, which I agreed. Unfortunately, due to our insane drunkness, we lost track of everyone. I had to go find my friends, because there was no way I could find my way home on my way. This was about 11PM or so, and this is when I stopped drinking. Now stop your timer, what's my time?
On our walk back to the gates, I saw an ambulance driving in front of us, and someone dared me to jump on, and I chased after it and got on the back. While I was showing off to those who dared me and posing for a picture, I lost my balance and immediately grabbed the door handle. The back door swung open and the ambulance stopped dead on its tracked. I was pretty scared at that moment, so I quickly shut the door and ran back to my group and pretended nothing had happened. The ambulance drove on, and my heart stopped racing.
When we got to the train station, the entire place was packed top to bottom. The train station of a small city wasn't made to accompany 1.4 million people. The train ride way back was especially painful for me. There was no longer a direct connection from Duisburg to Aachen, so we had to ride to Dusseldorf first, then wait for another train to take us back to Aachen. On the train to Dusseldorf, I was standing in the middle of the train when a fight broke out between two Germans. I was nearly caught in the middle. One guy had blood running down his face. It wasn't a pretty picture.The next part of the story was kind of a miracle, the moment I got off the train, I saw Ma'am standing at the train station waiting for the train back to Aachen. Of all the people who I could have found, I found the two people who I lost during the parade.
The whole trip took 4 hours while the way there was only 1. Throughout this 4 hours, I was extremely constipated, but there were no bathroom anywhere. The train bathroom were flooded with shit, it was fucking gross. I didn't talk much during the 3 hour train ride back to Aachen, I spent nearly all of my energy making sure I don't shit myself. The moment we got to Aachen, I told my friends to wait for me and just run as fast as humanly possible to the bathroom, even Usain Bolt would have been impressed. Now, here's the thing about Europeans, they charge you for the bathroom. If I didn't have money on me, I would have been so fucked.
I finally made back to my bed at 5AM, smelling like all sorts of nasty things, so I had to push back my sleep til after a shower. However, this day was a blast, and I set a personal best of 12 straight hours of drinking. I was also fortunate enough to have gone to possibly the last love parade ever. I doubt the organizers will risk killing people again.
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