The Twin Barbecue

This was officially the first BroBQ ever. We started a bbq at 7PM. All Face had were hot dogs and beer. I didn't feel like drinking that early during the night, so I just bought an ice tea. Face honestly had no idea how much food he got. He put on 8 hot dogs on the first batch, and stuffed all of it in my and Foxy's hands, then immediately put 8 more on the grill. If hot dogs could be used for torture, this was how it's done. Eventually, we all just gave up, and absolutely stopped eating. Instead, we tried to pawn off the left over hot dogs to strangers walking by. It was no surprise that no one took it. We were creepy as fuck. However, there was light at the end of the tunnel; a repairman stopped in front of us, and he took one of our offerings, saying that he would give it to his partner, which I took as the trashcan. During our last stand to give away hot dogs, Face started yelling that the hot dogs had roofies in them. To our surprise, still no one took it. Guess the reverse psychology didn't work. We eventually had to throw away the left overs.

Next up, we went up to Face's apartment to pregame. After a few beers and filling up my flask, we were all set to go hit Pegasus at 11PM. This was my first time going to the new Pegasus, so I really had no idea what to expect, maybe it is all gay now, I really didn't know. Like always, I was more then willing to try out something new.

Since the dawn of time, men have relied on their instincts to find their way. And as always, that always came back to fuck them in the ass. We were lost in the middle of nofuckingwhere, just because Face refused GPS guidance from the iPhone and reassured us over and over again that he knew where we were going. When he finally gave in to the power of the machine, we apparently was on top of our destination. Eventually, we finally got to Pegasus. And I kid you not, it was the shadiest place I have ever seen. Mostly because of the under the bridge thing, but the building was a dark three story building, and you could see lights coming out of the 2nd floor. Honestly, I didn't really want to go in, but as usual, I let the moral-less, not thinking part of me make my decisions after dark, and it said "Let's rock this place."

So, we walked toward the front door. Then moment we walked in, I realized that there was a staircase on my right, and I could just sneak in and avoid possible cover charges. And it worked to perfection. Not only did I not pay to get, I also didn't get my hand marked, which means Drinks all night long.

It usually takes me about 20 minutes to get in the mood, so I spend the first 20 filling up on beers. It was of course a great idea. So let's skip ahead, I doubt anyone want to read about how I drank a few beers, that shit even bores me.

At around 12AM, apparently I was whoring around with some blond girl that I didn't even remember. This has become pretty common for me, and I have developed a reflex that wouldn't make the girl feel awkward when I don't remember her. It's what I call the "you system." It's quite basic and effectively, simply replace any use of her name or any way of addressing her with the word "you," but remember that she is indeed a human being, and use the you as you would a girlfriend, or someone you give a fuck about. Simply put, this girl will remain nameless for the time being.

Next up, Face was chatting with a hippie blond, and without going into details (mainly because I couldn't hear what the fuck he was saying), she agreed to dance with him. I looked at her friend, with somewhat of the seductive look. She responded by looking me up and down, which I assume she was checking out the product before making a purchase. Then, she nodded, and I signaled her to stuff her giant ass in my crotch. Oh, I didn't mention? She's more the chubby side; not that I'm a chubby chaser, I prefer my girls lean and mean, but no anorectic ones. I was just feeling lazy and she was there. Judging by her 3 point average, her self-esteem can't be high. This was evident by the fact that after a few minutes of grinding her into the pole, she grabbed both of my hands and tightly pushed them into her, shall we say, 34D boobs. I have never met anyone with any sort of self-respect that would do that, but believe me I wasn't complaining. Boobs are one of God's or Evolution's best creations, immediately followed by fried chicken and spandex.

My only problem with this girl is, besides that the fact she wasn't cute at all, but the beer did work toward her favor, that I had so much problem kissing her. It had nothing to do with me; she was so fucking short that I literally had to be on my knees to see her eyes. And I wasn't about to bend down for a woman I ain't marrying. So I skipped out on first and got straight to second base; it's like John Meyer trying to play baseball. At this point, I probably would have taken her out of the club and straight into my friend's backseat.

However, as always, there's always an obstacle. This time, it wasn't puking, ex-boyfriend, or friend who can't fucking drink. It was that blond from earlier, let's call her Brittany. She came out of nowhere and started grinding behind me. No complain there. This time, I played proper baseball and touch both bases, with ChubbyGirl still in front of me. It was tough: I either ignore the blond and take the sure thing with Chubby, or I upgrade girl parts in every possible way. Knowing how shallow I am, the choice was obvious. But the ultimate goal was of course to take them both. This did not work. I turned around to face Brittany, while using my right hand to grab Chubby. I couldn't see the look she gave me, but it must have been nasty and I probably would have laughed. But I was busy.

Then twenty minutes later, she told me she had to pee.

Me "You aren't going to invite me?"
Brittany "There's only one toilet."
(If you have seen the Tucker Max movie, you would know this scene. For those who hasn't had the pleasure, let me set it up for you. Tucker was going to the bathroom, but started hitting on a married woman, whom he almost had sex with. He went into the bathroom with her, and the conversation is almost identical to the one I was having here.)
Me "There's a sink."
She looked at me with a grin, and grabbed my hand to lead the way. The moment I got to the bathroom, I realized that there was actually two toilets, but one is broken, and will probably flood if I use it. So I used it, but didn't flush, cause even at my drunken state, I wanted no part of my piss to be anywhere near me. She walked out of the stall rather quickly, and of course I congratulated her. She wanted to head back to the dance floor, but I stopped her, and forcefully pushed her back into the stall, and locked it. I probably bullshitted some random shit about her, and next thing I know, we were undressing each other in the bathroom stall.
I tried to take her tank top off. but she said "Oh don't do that."
"Why the fuck not?"
"I don't want you to see my tan lines, you can play with them if you want."
"This is fucking weird."
But I carried on anyways. Things started to escalate, and just as she put her hands down my pants, I looked to my left and realized a gay guy was watching us. I told him to get the fuck out, but he didn't move. Then I thought, he's gay, and probably don't like straight shit. So I looked directly into his eyes, and said "It's about to get nasty in here" and kissed Brittany. He then left, and I like to think I was the reason why. We continued about our business, and two minutes later, that same bastard came back. And he said "There's a girl out here who need to toilet."
Me "Tell her to use that fucking toilet, or the men's room. Everyone's fucking gay here it doesn't matter." Pointing to the flooding one. I wasn't about give up my territory. But Brittany said "Let's just get out of here."
And I realized the moment was gone, and said fuck it and went back to the dance floor.

When the club closed at 2AM, I walked over to the club manager.
Me "You should really have higher walls in the girl's bathroom stall, I need my privacy."
Manager "You shouldn't be having sex in there."
Me "If you had higher walls, then I wouldn't have had sex in there cause no one can fucking see."
Manager "..."
This was a fucking great night. I told my partners in crime about my night, and they told me theirs. But it wasn't exciting at all.

We made it back to Face's apartment at 3AM, and decided we are all hungry, so we fired up the grill, opened a few cans of beer, and had another barbecue. It was pretty fucking delicious.

So what to take from this: while stall sex can be great, it's probably a safer bet if there are multiple stalls or just take her to the backseat of your car, away from possible cock-blockers.